Geriatric Chat Time

"Oh, you would have loved her, dear."

said one old lady to the next.

"I would have?"

the other old lady said to the first.

"Oh yes, she loved flowers, just like you. In fact this garden - well she was responsible for it"

said the first to the second.

"Really? She planted all the lines of those beautiful flowers, the ancient symbols of love and beauty?"

replied the second to the first.

"Well, not quite, but she did make them higher,"

explained the original old lady.

"I don't understand, dear"

the second old lady responded.

The first old lady smiled and said

"Rose Rose Rose Rows"

Arrrrrr This Pirate Talk Be Tedious

Listen up, you scurvy dogs! I spy a vessel to plunder!

This vessel not be fancy, in fact it just be a plank o' wood - a plank of wood full o' manmade holes.

But, me laddy, the plank is housing the controllers o' a company, the ones who make the decisions, full of gold they be!

an' they're ripe for the plucking, they've been out at sea so long they look like they're goin' crazy from the tedium.

Are ye ready!?

Board Bored Bored- Board Board!

George Frideric is a Weatherman

You work for a company that specialises in making nicknames for people to use in internet forums, MMORPGs and HAM radio conversations - that kind of thing.

Your boss makes you do everything!

He's supposed to be working on a nickname for George Frideric, the German-British Baroque composer of the Hip-Hop classic "Messiah". The nickname's for use on web forums about devices used for opening doors.

He looks over to you.

You just know he's going to ask you to take on this work.

He does.

*Sigh*

In his usual off hand manner he says,


Handle Handel's handle handle.

Frank's Wild Years

Frank from East Enders is your lackey. He's stopped selling used cars, running pubs with Peggy or shouting that eminently quotable phrase "Ricky" and now he does various nefarious jobs for you.

You want him to deal with one of the two meat sellers in town. One's OK but the other one - the one who's more muscly, manly and has a better moustache - is a problem.

You want Frank to get rid of this Meaty Man in the grizzliest, bloodiest way possible.

You call over to him.

Butcher! Butcher Butcher Butcher!

No Longer Average

You know the average?

Well he's fed up of being the sum of the results divided by the number in the sample - he's now badass! He won't take no guff!

He changed! From now on he's decided he's going to be the way we obtain a result or achieve an end!

Let me put it simply

Mean Mean Means Means

Phil Collins is Merely Implied

Two Scousers are talking..

"Tinky Winky, Po and Dipsy's mate owns a Scandinavian bloke, doesn't 'e?"

"Does 'e?"

"yeh, e's always singin the solfège note for A"

"oh I know the fella e's

La La's La Lars, La"

I've Never Cared For Him

Every one's favourite (sic) fool pitying, non jibber jabbering, snicker shilling former acting man has some very special golf equipment.

The tacks he puts on the ground when he hits his first shot are special because they're not made of plastic but instead made from the leaves of a popular hot beverage.

Now these tacks are also special because they're sentient and very fussy. They'll only let themselves be used at dinner time.

B.A Baracus's first inhabiter thinks these pegs need taking down a peg or two. He wants you to make fun of them.

Go on

Tease T's Tea Tea-Tees.